Four professionals - an engineer, a chemist, an accountant and an IT contractor - were all boasting about how clever their dogs were.

The engineer said that his dog could do something pretty impressive, so the others asked him to show them. "Setsquare, come here" shouted the engineer, "do your stuff." The dog walked over, picked up a ruler and a pencil and drew a perfect square on a piece of paper that was on the floor. The others agreed that this was pretty impressive.

The chemist also said that his dog was very intelligent, and offered to show the others. "Prescription, come here, do your stuff". Prescription ran over and went to the fridge, where he took out a bottle of milk. Then he took a 10ml glass and poured the milk into the glass, right up to the top of the rim, without spilling any. Again everyone thought this was pretty cool.

Then the accountant called his dog over. "Spreadsheet, get to work". Spreadsheet ran into the kitchen and brought out a box of twelve biscuits. He then opened the box and divided the biscuits into four equal piles of three each. The four professionals were suitably impressed.

They turned to the IT contractor and said "What can your dog do?" The IT contractor called his dog over. "Chargeable, come over here, get to work." Chargeable ambled over, drank the milk, ate the cookies, dumped on the paper, shagged the three other dogs, presented a bill for seven thousand pounds, lit a cigar, got into his Lotus and screeched off into the sunset.

With contract terminations in the contract market around the globe looming,
due to the increasing fall in economic conditions, now is the time for us to
show the world just how much we care.  It's just not right. Hundreds of
contractors in our very own country are living at, or just below the
six-figure income level !

Atrocious!

And, as if that isn't bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several
weeks - possibly a whole year - as a result of termination of their
contract.

But now you can help!

For only 500 a day - that's less than the cost of a large screen TV - you
can help a contractor remain economically viable during this time of need.

500 a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a contractor it
could mean the difference between a holiday spent golfing in Florida or a
Mediterranean cruise.  For you, 500 is nothing more than a months
rent/mortgage payment, but to a contractor, 500 a day will almost replace
his pay.

Your commitment of 500 a day will enable a contractor to buy that new Hi-Fi
centre, trade in the year-old Ferrari for a new TVR, or enjoy a weekend in
Rio.

"HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the contractor
you sponsor.  Detailed information about his shares, bonds, property, and
other investments will be mailed to your home.  You'll also get information
on how he plans to invest any spare cash he doesn't manage to spend.  Plus,
upon signing up for this program, you will receive a photo of the
contractor.  Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other
peoples' suffering.

"HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING"

Your contractor will be told that he has a 'SPECIAL FRIEND' who just wants
to help in a time of need.  Although the contractor won't know your name, he
will be able to make reverse charge calls to your home via a special
operator, just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.

Simply fill out the form below.

YES, I want to help!  I would like to sponsor a redundant contractor.

My preference is ticked below:
___ Systems analyst
___ Development specialist
___ Oracle DBA
___ Systems Engineer
___ Operations Specialist
___ Test Engineer
___ I'll sponsor a contractor most in need.  Please select one for me.

Please charge the account listed below 500 per day for a  for the next 3
months.

Please send me a picture of the contractor I have sponsored, along with my
very own corporate logo baseball cap to wear proudly on my head.

___ MasterCard
___ Visa
___ American Express

Card Number:   __________________________
Exp.Date: _________

Signature:     __________________________

Your Name:     __________________________
Tel. Number:   __________________________

Note:  Sponsors are not permitted to contact the contractor they have
sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited to,
telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties.  Keep in mind that the
contractor you have sponsored will be much too busy  enjoying his free time,
thanks to your generous donations.

PS  Contributions are not tax-deductible.

Walking with Contractors

The big talk at major american Banks in London this week has been all about the Millennium, and just how much is likely to be on offer for working it. The word from the States is what one would expect from a fair and decent employer, who appreciates the enormous sacrifice that people are being asked to make, and the immense responsibility that systems support on this momentous occasion represents: in short, you'll do whatever we ask for your standard hourly rate, or face immediate termination. Seems that someone has cottoned onto the contracting market being tighter than a gnat's chuff these days, and is playing hard-ball. Couple that with IR35, and you may see a new BBC wildlife series next year: "Walking with Contractors" - amazing special effects recreate a lost age, when the mighty contractors ruled the employment market, their enormous pay-cheques dwarfing the tiny, shrew-like permies, who were forced to crouch in their burrows by day. With the aid of the latest, computer-generated graphics, every aspect of these incredible creatures and their bizarre life-styles can be seen for the first time ... etc ... etc ...